Coming out of the closet isn’t easy; other people’s opinions always seem to play a part. But being stuck in the closet can also be suffocating. People want to express themselves without being judged. The journey to discovering oneself and coming out to the community is never a simple story. 

Freshman Conan Scheuemann came out on October 11, 2021, which was National Coming Out Day. A couple of months ago, Scheuemann planned to come out on the national holiday because they thought it was perfect timing. 

“I wrote out a letter that basically said ‘Hey, guess what? I’m gay and trans…so deal with it.’ I printed it out a month later, and had it hiding in my desk waiting for [October 11th] to come around,” said Scheuemann.  They printed two copies for both their parents so they could read their letter at the same time, but be at different places.  

“I waited for their response. Because it was a school day, I was constantly checking my phone to see if I would get a text from my mom or dad. There was nothing. So [my] anxiety just rose throughout the day,” said Scheuemann. 

After Scheuemann went home, their mom gave them the silent treatment, but she gradually started to talk to them again, and now they are back to normal. Their dad, on the other hand, was extremely supportive of Scheuemann’s decision. Scheuemann explained that their mom was just overwhelmed with the news. They understood how their mom felt because it had only been a short amount of time since they came out.

Scheuemann identifies as gender fluid and bisexual with a preference. Scheuemann began questioning themself when they were in sixth grade. At the end of sixth grade, they identified themself as pansexual, but then identified as a lesbian for a little bit. Then at the beginning of eighth grade, they identified as transgender. They thought at the time they had a consistent gender, but they later realized that they identify as gender fluid. 

“There were some days where I didn’t recognize myself, let alone what my sexuality was or what my gender was. It was just a whole adventure,” said Scheuemann. But after Scheuemann came out, they don’t feel anxious about their identity anymore. 

Soren Smith, another freshman, came out about three months ago. The first time they came out was during their seventh grade year. “My dad saw me watching gay TikToks, so he asked me if I was gay. At that point, I couldn’t just lie to him. So, I told him I was gay,” said Smith.

“It really hurt because not only was I not ready to come out, my parents used to be very unsupportive of the LGBTQ+ people, so it was really hard,” said Smith. The second time that Smith officially came out to their close friends was during the summer of ninth grade. Smith, like Scheuemann, also wrote a letter to their parents and left it on their bed for them to read.

“By that point, they were pretty supportive. They’ve been doing really well with my preferred name and pronouns. It’s so nice to have parents who support me, and know that I can be who I am when I’m at home with them. It’s such a nice change from the past when it wasn’t that supportive and healthy for me to be at home.  It’s great, and it’s definitely a lot better now,” said Smith.

Smith considers themself to be genderqueer. In sixth grade, they made friends with a lot of people who were part of the LGBTQ+ community. They admitted that the mentality at first was that they didn’t support them, but they would still be friends with them. But Smith was introduced to different views on the LGBTQ+ community through social media.

“I realized that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to be gay. Then, I started investigating myself. Seventh grade was my discovery phase for my sexuality. Then eighth grade was my gender crisis,” said Smith. They had a hard time describing their gender, but Smith eventually decided they were genderqueer. 

Other people may start to question their gender identity at an even younger age. Junior Sky Bird started to think she was transgender when she was eight years old. But that thought was taken down when she had experienced some incidents with her dad and friends that made her think being trans was wrong. Because the people around her told her that it was wrong to feel a certain way, she squashed the feelings down and tried to ignore them.

“I kept that up until about February 2020 when we all got quarantined. All the time at home made me think a lot more about myself and what I was feeling, so everything came up again,” said Bird. Because she had the time to think about herself over quarantine, her gender dysphoria came back. The emotions that she experienced during this time were mostly confusion. 

“When I was young I didn’t think much of it and thought it was just normal to want those things, but I found out that was ‘wrong.’ When I started to question it again, I was confused and scared about what I was gonna do. But I realized that the feelings were real, and there were people like me. I started to embrace it and came out to most people,” said Bird. It took her a while to finally realize that being transgender wasn’t a bad thing and that she could be herself. Even though she came to the realization, others weren’t supportive of it. 

“My family isn’t exactly accepting of people like me. They also don’t understand, but I’m trying to help them understand and to learn. My mom’s unacceptance actually stems from love, but it doesn’t help or support me at all. My mom believes that the best thing for me would be to ignore it and hope the way I feel goes away so I can live ‘normally.’ My dad is way worse and hates all queer people. He thinks it’s unnatural or wrong,” said Bird. Even though Bird doesn’t have her parents’ support, she has her friends and counselor’s support on her decision.  

“I have friends who fully accepted and helped me when I came out. As soon as I came out, they were excited and happy for me and incredibly supportive. They tried to help in every way they [could]. I don’t know where I would be without them and I’m truly grateful. I also have therapy at least twice a month with a really supportive counselor that specializes partly in LGBTQIA+ help. It’s nice to talk and rant to someone every once in a while,” said Bird. Her counselor helps her talk through all the emotions she is feeling and helps her come up with ways that she can relieve some of her gender dysphoria. Bird explained that it felt amazing to be able to be herself without being judged in the friend group she surrounds herself with. 

Coming out to people can be terrifying. But in the end, being able to express oneself can relieve all the stress and anxieties of being stuck in the closet for so long. People who are part of the LGBTQ+ community wish the world knew that they are still human beings, even though they have different preferences for their own gender and sexual orientation compared to society’s definition.